Love

Today I am feeling better both physically and emotionally. I had a productive, long day at the nursery. The highlight of my day is revealed in this picture. This is Joshua. He arrived the same day that I did at the nursery. His mother died of HIV and his step-mother was caring for him... then she too became ill. So that is how we came to receive Joshua. He cries quite a bit (more than others), but also can have happy, quiet times. The hardest thing for me is looking into his eyes. He has eyes that are deep, that say "love me". What child's eyes don't you may ask? His are different. He looks back at you with these black eyes and the curliest eyelashes I have ever seen. Just sweet, innocent love.

He was crying today so I took him outside to get fresh air. I let him touch leaves from the trees and he immediately stopped crying. He held on to them tight. We walked around and then I held him on my lap on this bench where we sat for a good hour. I was so content, I felt like there was no place on earth I would rather be, than in that moment. I started to cry as I held him to think that this poor child will grow up not knowing his mother, or maybe not even having one. It just seems so unfair. Why such a sweet innocent child is robbed of something so sacred, a mother. So I sat, held him tight and thought, he may not get this attention, this love, this security that every child deserves. I gave it to him in that moment, and I think he felt it. It is another part of my daily battles in being here, as I had predicted it would be before I came. How can I just continue on with my selfish life, when all they need is someone to love them? I think that the life they would be blessed to lead in America would be better than where they are coming from, but maybe that is an ego-centric American view too? I don't know, but these babies are so sweet it is impossible to do anything... but love them.